S is for...Sanguine

So, yesterday I wrote an article just to be a crafty little bastard. Because it was funny, and it still is. If you didn’t read it you should check it out. I’ve done a lovely job of it.

But for anyone who is actually shitting the bed about the Coronavirus. You my friends are going to have to take a crash course in chilling the fuck out. What’s that? You want me to give it you? Ok, if you insist.

Chilling the fuck out like most things is both an art and a science.

But there are a few key components that contribute to chilling the fuck out that you should be aware of.

That voice in your head? That voice is your inner voice. It is your conscience.

What do you mean you can’t hear it?

Ok, little test to get you started. Now do this next bit in silence. Do it in your head. Say it in your head. Figure it out in your head, 1 + 1 = ?

Did you manage to do it and get an answer? Wonderful, you have an inner voice.

*clap clap*

If you can’t ‘hear’ anything. Then good news, you‘ve got something you can practise during the self-isolation period. Getting in touch with your self.

I’ve heard that there may be some people that don’t have this voice in their head. Personally, I’m not buying that. Not unless you have some really serious underlying health condition. You do have an inner voice. You perhaps just don’t use it a great deal.....OR....you believe it is a higher power....something like that. Listen, I’m cool with that. I believe in that shit too, I’m a Syncretist. But if your God tells you to do some fucked up shit, and you act upon it. Don’t be surprised when you get taken away and put in a little box for a bit. Not for being crazy for hearing voices in your head, just for doing the fucked up horrible shit.

But even if there is a higher power, you do have a conscience and your own voice in your head. That is yours and you can control.

Anyway...some steps in chilling the fuck out include:

Sitting still.

Controlling your breathing.

Controlling your heart rate.(This is largely done by controlling your breathing).

Actually taking stock of the situation you are in - are there any immediate threats to your existence? No bombers, no murderers, house isn’t on fire, sounds like everything is going just tickety-boo then!

Oh the virus, nevermind that, just stay clean, eat well, and like I said yesterday, stay the fuck away from people that have it.

www.nhs.uk/coronavirus has plenty of useful information on it.

One bit of advise use call 111.

It does state specifically do not go to a GP surgery, pharmacy or hospital.

That is some serious instruction. Follow it. Don’t be a selfish dick and spread this to another person. Especially one with the skills and knowledge to help people get better; not just from this but from all manner of conditions.

That said, if you discover someone is really struggling and has it, then yeah don’t be a cock, find an alternative way to help them through their struggle.

Oh yeah, and that voice in your head...well that voice can be a right little tinker and will cause you to maybe have loads of crazy unsavoury and scary thoughts.

But don’t worry, they are just a survival mechanism too.

That is your conscience calculating all the options you have available to take. You may not realise it, but it’s actually doing that all the time. You possibly just don’t use them.

Now the scary part...you actually have to pick one and pursue it. Pick an option.

Yeah, you have to commit to an option, and see it through. Come on now, be brave.

A good option is just make a cup of tea or coffee, maybe a cold drink. Sit down, in front of the telly like you normally do anyway, and just wait for this whole thing to blow over. Because that is the reality of what has to be done.

And my advise is, choose the option that first of all allows you to remain in a state of calm.

Running around like a manic twat in a panic doesn’t help anyone. Especially yourself.

So, I’ll reiterate it. Chill. The. Fuck. Out!

Something someone supposedly said

”Remain calm, serene, always in command of yourself. You will then find out how easy it is to get along.” - Paramahansa Yogananda

Song

Inaudible Melodies - Jack Johnson